Jennifer Aniston | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Monica Lilly Padman.

Hi.

Congratulations to my little friend from down in Duluth, Georgia, goes around the bend.

Oh, nice.

She loved this show called Me and My Friends. Her number one pal's come down, Jennifer Aniston.

Wow, that was pretty good.

That kind of not great.

I really like that, actually.

Congratulations, Ronnie.

This was a big deal, huge deal, big full circle.

Humongous deal. Jennifer Aniston's here. And all because of you. You wrote a beautiful letter to her.

Our good friend Molly McNerney passed it on to Jen and God bless her, she read it and she said, yeah, I'm going to come meet this girl.

I know, so nice. It was so, so nice.

They say never meet your heroes, but so far it's worked out pretty well for me.

Yeah. Okay. Friends, just go with it. We're the Millers. Horrible Bosses. And of course, season four out now on Apple TV Plus, The Morning Show. She also has the cutest book out now.

Cook with Clydeo. A cookbook for kids. Clydeo is her dog Clyde's foreign cousin dog. Clydeo.

So cute. It's so cute. And then on top of that, please, madam, will you demonstrate?

Yes. Do your best of Anna White right now.

Okay. So we didn't really get to talk that much about Lola V in the pod. So I wanted to give it a little time right now. She sent all of this incredible Lola V hair products and they're really good.

They're good. They're top notch. They're really good. As you can imagine. Could you spray some in your hair right now to demonstrate?

Yeah. I'll spray the peptide plumping volume spray because I need a little volume up top.

Okay. Plumping volume spray. I hope that doesn't attract the wrong customer base.

It smells so good. I bet.

And you want your hair to smell good because that's where the pheromones come from.

Sure. That's where men are nuzzling their noses.

Yeah, exactly.

And they're getting their nose right in there.

Does it look nice and voluminous?

Oh, yeah. It really does. It really picked up the volume.

Yeah. It's really nice. I mean, there's so much. She has shampoo. She has so many products and they're all great.

Well, you want to hear something embarrassing? She sent a box. I went through it and I saw there was doggy shampoo.

Oh, cute.

She makes doggy shampoo.

Went to put it away where our doggy shampoo is. Guess what? We already buy this product. Our dogs already love this product.

Of course you do.

God, I wish you would make some teeth brushing solvent for our dogs.

Ah, Lola V.

Lola V.

Lola V. Get some Lola V. Read Cook with Clydeo and watch The Morning Show and please enjoy Jennifer Aniston.

This episode of Armchair Expert is presented by Apple Pay. You know, holiday shopping can be a hassle, but Apple Pay makes it so much easier.

Whether you're shopping online or in-store, look for the Apple Pay button or contactless symbol at checkout.

No more digging for your wallet or filling out long online checkout forms. It works at millions of places, including stores, websites, and apps. This means you can spend less time at checkout and more time finding the perfect gifts. Pay the Apple way. Terms apply.

He's an Altyazoo.

He's an Altyazoo.

Oh my gosh.

What's happening?

Well, this is offering for you.

If you want.

We both dressed for you.

Well, you know.

Tuesday.

It's Taco Tuesday, so I think that allows for a lot of funny business.

And technically happy hour.

In Atlanta.

That's right.

This is in your garage.

This is in the garage.

Yeah, the old thing is upstairs, so we used to be upstairs, and now we're in the garage.

Because you're in a different—I've seen this set up because you were in a different chair.

Yeah, you've probably seen upstairs.

Yes, I used to be in a full Lazy Boy.

We were both in Lazy Boys.

Yeah.

I wore this for you, but I can't go much further now.

I'm a little hot.

Yeah, can I take this off now?

Can I take a picture?

I'll put it back on for picture time.

Okay.

Okay.

But do you want to take a quick pic now?

Look at your friends are on the screensaver.

Oh, my God, I'm such a— Aw.

Clyde, Clyde, Clyde.

Clyde and Lord Chesterfield.

Come on.

Wow.

Oh, my goodness.

Okay, great.

Okay.

Do you like Babar?

Do I like Babar?

She likes Babar.

She might not know she does, but yes, she likes Babar.

That was like my childhood.

Those are those books.

I know, special books.

Dr. Seuss and the Babars of the world.

Yeah.

Remember when?

Yeah.

Yeah, it was nice.

It was nice time.

I saw you say that you like Babar, and I like Babar, but then I started thinking, why do I like Babar?

Like, when I think of Cheryl Silverstein—

I don't know the stories of Babar, do you?

Nor do I.

I just love the—I think the image of the elephant, I love.

But I'm not sure what he did or what he was up to.

I think he was a king.

Certainly in this photo.

Because he has a big crown on.

Could you imagine if we go back and we just read, like, you know, and— He was a predator?

When they say, like, there's all—yeah, like, it represented all of this awful shit.

Yes.

And we were like, I didn't know that's what it meant.

It's sort of like when you realize that Wizard of Oz had all these hidden messages.

Yes.

Yeah.

Especially if you smoke grass and put on Dark Side of the Moon and leaned into it.

And then we're—is it a plane backwards?

I think you do a little backwards plane.

I wanted to do that.

Okay, so one of my questions was going to be, what's your nervous level out of 10?

My nerve level right now is so nothing because I'm just talking with you guys.

That's right.

Oh, good, good, good, good, good, good.

That's correct.

Have you been rolling the whole time?

Is that how you guys do it?

Well, we always are rolling.

I hope so, because that's awesome.

Always be recording.

Actually, you know what you say right after the hour?

Just say, okay, let's start rolling.

Exactly.

And action.

Okay, it was great having you.

And then the nerves will get up, and then I'll be like, oh.

And then you'll say, joke, it was done.

We did it.

Yes.

You actually, it's like coming out of anesthesia.

Exactly.

Oh, no, no.

It's over.

Or like when a kid gets a shot, you like distract them.

It's like, we did it.

It's over.

Yes, yes, yes.

Right.

I had a director actually once.

Oh, I'm not going to remember his name.

Sure, we don't need to.

Nope.

Well, keep it vague.

But he would say, we would be talking and rehearsing, and then he'd go, okay, go ahead.

And did you like that?

I didn't know what, it took us a minute to know what he meant.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

Go ahead.

Oh, actually, go ahead.

Oh, so start acting.

Yeah.

Great.

Go ahead and do the thing.

But he would do it, not like it wasn't a big deal.

He's like, okay, go ahead.

Oh.

And then walk away.

And then we just go ahead.

I like that because no pressure.

Was this person's name Clint Eastwood?

Is that the name you can't think of?

It's Marty Scorsese.

Well, I do think I've heard that Hitchcock would say, have you heard this one?

Entertain me.

Oh.

Yes, I have heard that.

Ooh.

Which is like, given your personnel, like I would dig it.

Me too.

But I could also, people would be like, I'm not a monkey here to entertain you, you know, whatever.

But I kind of dig it.

Can you imagine?

Oh, my God.

I am not here to entertain you.

But I was thinking if you were nervous, I was thinking we could do some transcendental meditation together.

And then I was curious, how do you sit when you do your TM?

And is this it?

This is pretty much it.

Yeah.

This is it.

Or if I'm in a chair, if I'm in a chair, or if I'm in the back of a car, or if I'm on an airplane, or wherever it is, the many, many, many locations that I will go into a little, if I need to sort of chill it.

Yeah.

Chill it out a bit.

And I was wondering, because I have a couple different friends that do TM as well, and one of my friends- Do you?

I do.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Amazing.

I do.

And I think you and I differ a bit on like, it's hard for me to embrace something like that.

Sure.

Like, it's a little out there for me.

Which part?

Like, I mean, it's just like, it's religion adjacent, even though it's not.

As I learned, it's not.

But there's something metaphysical happening a little bit.

There's like spirituality.

Just the notion of spirituality scares me a little bit.

Only because I'm afraid I'm not going to experience what everyone else is experiencing.

Which is actually all that's happening right now as we sit here and speak.

Absolutely.

But TM, I went into a little apprehensive, and it fucking worked the first time.

And then I got like, I was shocked.

Can I ask you, just specifically, what worked?

Was it the first time you meditated it worked, or the first period that you were doing it for a while is when it worked?

The first time Lynn came over.

Maybe, do you know Lynn?

I had Penny.

You had Penny.

Yeah.

Okay.

But all from the David Lynch thing?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

So Lynn came over, and again, the scary stuff is like, we've got some brass trays, there's some smoke happening.

Yes.

That's the stuff where I'm a little bit like-

When all of those pictures, the little, the photo frame came out.

We're paying homage to some deities, maybe.

Yeah.

She gave me my mantra, and I did it.

And like 20 minutes later, I was like, oh, Lord.

I like just experienced a level of calmness and lack of racket.

I didn't think I was capable of.

Holy shit, it works.

Yeah.

This mantra thing is real.

They tell you not to tell anyone your mantra.

I know.

I was going to ask this.

If it goes well, will you tell us your mantra?

Well, I was kidding.

Yes.

Do you know how it's really funny how they instill that?

I know.

And no one's holding a gun to my head.

I know.

Like, Penny's not outside.

She's not going to come in and go, did you just- But I have a friend who told me his mantra.

Oh, no.

And it scared me.

Is he dead?

He's passed.

He's passed.

We lost him.

Yeah.

It's my test of friendship.

So Dax has never shared his.

So we're not quite there yet.

But maybe we'll get there.

Yeah.

Maybe we'll get there.

Maybe we'll get there.

It scared me.

And I was like, normally I am so, I guess maybe punk rock there.

I'd be like, yeah, I'll tell you.

But I wouldn't tell him mine.

And I'm wondering if, what would be the price tag for you to tell someone your mantra?

Would you?

I mean, I do.

Am I a rule follower?

Not always.

No.

But in this case, I have chosen to commit to this practice.

And if that is the rule that I, the one rule around it, I have no problem.

That's good.

That's how I feel.

And I don't think anyone would pay me enough money that it actually would take, that it would take for me to tell them my mantra.

I don't think they'd give a shit that much to pay me a billion dollars because that's how much it'll cost.

Okay.

That's the number.

Write that down.

I do think there's something magic going on that I really am afraid to ever say it.

And I think it's funny that I feel that way.

I do too, because you don't come across that way to me.

I mean, honestly, but I get that.

And I think, because I, the truth is we're all here, which is, that's pretty, this is kind of wild that we're all here.

I agree.

We're all these bodies.

We're these like, we're, we're all made of what, atoms?

Yeah.

This is, this is all energy.

We're all, this is all energy.

Yeah.

You know, and, and believe it or not.

And then there's something that's bigger than us.

And the other thing that is also so crazy to me is that we are all, every human being on this entire planet made up of the exact same shit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And yet we have figured out a way with these wonderful brains that we've been gifted by, I don't know.

Yeah.

Whatever that is.

Gifted and cursed.

To, to, to do what we have done.

And, and I mean, I was driving over here and I was thinking to myself, I get sad.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Me too.

Of course.

Right.

And I'm too, I get sad that there's so much.

Fake and arbitrary difference.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And where does it come from and who creates it?

It's like, hey man, believe whatever you want to believe.

And, you know, you do you, but at the end of the day, you do think we're all the same.

Yes.

Even if our skin is a shade, darker, darker, lighter, lighter, hair, dip, like we are all made up of the exact same wonderful stuff.

And we're embarrassingly predictable given where we come from.

So it's like, we think we have this really well-sorted identity.

And then you go like, well, but if you give me your zip code, I can tell you with like 90% likelihood, exactly what your opinions that you've thought of really well will be.

And then you go like, hmm.

So maybe all, you know, I've been trying to read between the lines as I've watched a lot of interviews with you and maybe rightly or wrongly, I have felt like we agree on that.

Like my biggest thing that bothers me isn't any one of my issues that I also care about.

It's just like, how the fuck do we get out of this?

This is just like madness and it's getting worse every day.

And everyone's yelling louder and louder.

And like, how do we get out?

And everything seems very Pollyanna, like any kind of thought you have, but it is, how do we get out of it?

And that, you know, when you say about the spirituality, you know, I think the reason I lean more towards TM or that world of whatever faith is to me personally is because, you know, I'm Greek Orthodox, I was raised in, I went to, you know, the church, Greek church on Sundays and my yaya had all of the pictures of the women in black that terrified me and gave me nightmares and her beads and she would talk to the wall of all these people.

It's a little morbid.

It seems it, doesn't it?

But for her, it kept her going and she died at 98, something, the Greeks are doing something right.

Yeah.

And, you know, I was christened at St. Sophia's and, you know, they drink the holy water, which is basically wine.

And I vomited and she's like scooping up the vomit because it's sacred and the body of Christ is in there and that's the blood of Christ.

And she's like, oh, and then she's like old at that point already.

And so, yeah, you know, I was in the car and I just had wine and bread at like one or whatever.

I would have thought there might be like a poltergeist in you.

If you rejected it, you might be evil or a vamp.

Or I could, hey, who knows?

Who knows?

TBD.

That's all up for grabs.

That's right.

Life ain't over just yet.

But I want to say something really quick because I think that is the answer because we talk a lot about status here on In Group.

Out Group, Dax was the anthropology major, so In Group, Out Group comes up a lot.

Too much, you could argue.

I won't say that, but wait, which comes up?

Say it again.

In Group, Out Group.

What is In Group, Out Group?

Because we're very social primates and we're kind of designed to live in a group of 100, that was our In Group.

And Out Group, whatever group arrived, needed to be taken very seriously and with a lot of skepticism.

It's not like you could just trust a stranger, you know?

So we have a lot of evolutionary things built in.

We're really immediately good at identifying who the Out Group is and identifying who the In Group is.

And so we have all this wiring.

And that's like tribalism.

When you hear tribalism, tribalism is really In Group, Out Group thinking.

So like this political thing.

It's like, this is my group and that's your group.

And we're just stuck with this terrible vestigial evolution that we somehow got to figure out how to get out of In Group, Out Group because we don't live that way anymore.

But if we remember that In Group is exactly what you said, we're all just part of, we are all one In Group.

We're all the group.

Is that just not as fun?

Yeah.

Is that just not as interesting?

Exactly.

So that's why I think this sort of spirituality or the sort of new age or whatever you call it, super agers, what does that say up there?

I'm trying to read you that.

You know, we got to maybe get rid of these books because they're very distracting to people.

Yeah.

A lot of people in the middle are like, well, that's when he pulled out the firearm.

King Surrender Fulfill.

I don't know how you were about to say someone shot you.

Yeah, but what is this book I'm seeing?

Yeah, but religion, that's why it was my grandmother, Greek Orthodox, but religions, they all had the judgments about who you were with or how, and it just felt like if religion is something that divides people based on absolutely nothing factual about the human being and their heart.

The lottery of what house you were brought home to as a baby.

Yeah, because you grew up in this home and it represented that and that's what you learned and so that's what you then go out and you believe and critical thinking, free thinking is doesn't, isn't sort of allowed or it's condemned or told, but fear of God that you're going to go to hell for something.

Yeah.

Uh, I don't do it.

Not for me.

Not for me.

I want, well, also you were in New York City from what age did you, you were brought home from the hospital to Sherman Oaks.

Yes.

Sherman Oaks.

Sherman Oaks.

It's a wonderful place to be brought home.

Right around the corner from Casa Vega.

Ooh, I love it.

Very fun place for, um, tequila drinks.

Oh, tequila.

Tequila.

Margaritas.

I went as a baby.

I remember crawling, I have early memories of crawling.

Mine was the enchiladas with cheese.

And for folks who are not from here, crawling on that floor, it's not like you're on the floor of the Four Seasons.

Nope.

It's a very active, heavily drank and a salsa on the floor chips.

It's like Times Square.

It would be like, yeah, yeah.

Probably good for your microbiome.

You got some germs in there.

That's right, I have such strong immunity.

That's right.

What age did you go to New York?

I went to New York at six years old.

We went, well, we went Sherman Oaks, Pennsylvania, Greece for a year, then to New York City.

Oh, wow.

And so you landed in New York City at six.

At six years old.

So you probably left Sherman Oaks four-ish.

Like four-ish, four and a half.

And do you have any memories?

In Sherman Oaks?

Yeah.

Besides crawling on the floor of Casa Vega?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I remember my, I remember the backyard.

I remember my dad built a pool with his own two hands with his buddy.

And above ground, I'm imagining.

A real in-ground.

Well, he, there was someone that dug and then he, but he was doing a lot of the work.

They were just back there, these guys.

And that was also when my dad was an out-of-work actor.

Yeah, he had a little time on his hobbies.

Which leads to the, why we went to Greece of it all.

And, but he was a door-to-door sales.

He kind of was doing that stuff.

Okay.

Yeah.

I drove a tricycle into that pool that my brother had to save me.

Because I didn't think to.

It was full of water or not?

Yeah.

Full of water.

And we almost lost you.

I might have a fear of water for that reason.

Yeah.

Maybe that makes sense.

Yeah.

What happened in Pennsylvania?

He wasn't chasing an acting role there.

No, but that's where all his, my, yeah, yeah, my grandmother lived and my, my cousins and my aunt, my dad's sister, he set us there, left us there so he could go set us up in Athens with my Aunt Mary and my cousins in Athens.

Because was he going to work there?

He was going to go to medical school in Greece because he could get into medical school in Greece.

Oh boy, there's a lot there.

Yikes.

Now listen, he's dead.

So he could have told me all of these stories.

And he's like, you and I have the unique freedom to talk quite honestly about our fathers at this point.

I know we sure do.

Yeah.

Oh, we do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think there's a lot there.

Oh, there's a lot.

That feels so out of the blue to say, okay, I've been pursuing acting for 30, not 30 years, but if he was 30, I've been pursuing acting for 12 years.

I'm going to go to Athens to become a doctor.

Feels borderline insane.

Yeah.

Was he the type of dude that would get something in his head and just chase it?

I wouldn't know.

You wouldn't know.

I wouldn't know.

Yeah.

Because once he really became a person that I was able to sort of take in, he was- Distracted?

He was an actor.

And he was barely there.

Yeah.

He was like, where's John?

A little bit.

Okay.

But when we were in Athens, he was going to school.

Okay.

How far did he get in his medical training?

Not far.

We were only there a year.

Did he come home and take your temperature?

No, but we would, God, we would watch, we would watch all those shows.

I remember watching a lot of medical stuff that he was, while eating dinner.

That's why I love watching some weird shit.

I can watch it for pretty much anything.

I love a good surgery.

Yeah.

I love to scrub up if they let me in.

Mom was getting drunk along as well.

And mom also was an actor, yeah?

She was.

She wasn't very good.

She'd be the first person to say it, right?

And she was on, like, Beverly Hillbillies, the Red Skelton show, all those fun things that people will be like, what?

Yeah.

And she was a model.

Okay.

And then she became a mom.

Okay.

And so when she had gotten drugged to Greece for her husband's medical pursuits, how was she processing that?

Was she resentful at him?

I would be pretty pissed, I think, if I met another actor and we're going to do this acting thing, and then I wake up in Athens and you're becoming a doctor.

I might feel like a little false advertising.

I don't think she, I don't think they had that sort of, let's go do this together.

They met when she was modeling.

My dad was the roommate of the photographer at the time, and he just thought she was beautiful.

She was dating the guy who owned the chain El Toritos.

Ooh, she could have, should have stuck with him, maybe.

Don't you think?

Yes.

She says that all, said that all the time.

I hate to say it.

Nothing I love hearing more than that.

Yeah.

Oh, God, that's so kind.

If I had stayed with Mike from El Toritos, we would be on a yacht right now.

But no, I followed your stupid dad to Athens so he could be an optometrist.

And look at me now.

These are all stories I just don't, I'm just even remembering by God.

And then she told the story, I mean, my dad tells the story about how he just walked into the El Toritos one day or wherever they were on a date and kind of like slammed his hand down on the table and he was like, claimed her.

Oh, wow.

I don't know if he clubbed him and then dragged her out by the hair or what actually happened, but it all sounded very romantic.

Well, yes, that's right.

That was the version of romance back then.

Yes.

Claiming.

Correct.

I'd pay slightly more than I'd pay for your mantra to be sitting in a booth by myself at El Torito and then watch some Greek man walk in, dragging his girlfriend to confront the proprietor.

Don't even think about it, pal.

She's with me now.

She's mine.

It's so deep because that is the paradox, right?

Like it is romantic at first when someone's like, I love you so much.

I need you, you're mine, and then that's actually the problem.

That ends up being the problem that they feel ownership.

Yes.

I think they call that narcissism.

I do.

That is correct, I think.

Right?

If I don't have it, I have to have it.

Exactly.

And now I have it.

What do I do with it now?

Yes.

Yes.

What do I do with this toy?

Because that thrill is gone.

Yeah.

You're not thrilling anymore.

Yes.

You don't validate me in the way you once did.

Now, they go to New York.

Your father was, this is pretty mind-blowing and impressive.

He was recurring on Days of Our Lives for 37 years.

He was on that show forever.

In fact, the last episode he shot aired like a week after he died.

Whoa.

No kidding.

So he worked right up until that was it.

Wow.

That was literally a wrap on John.

And when you guys got to New York, they made it another three years before they got divorced?

So, yes.

So he, I was nine.

So we got to New York six.

Yes.

Have an eight night.

Yeah.

And you went to live with mom, which was very customary.

So he found us an apartment.

Okay.

92nd and Columbus and $800 a month.

Rent-controlled, three bedrooms.

She gave it up.

Anyway.

Oh, no.

View of the 21st floor.

It was like, you could see the Hudson River, all of downtown.

It was like Cher's, you know, Cher's dollhouse.

I'm saying wait, too many references and people won't know anything.

Are you kidding?

I was just playing with Cher's dollhouse.

You were at the Cher doll and then her penthouse that you could like take the view in and out for daytime or slide in the nighttime view.

And it was just twinkling lights of the Empire State Building and the East River and the Hudson River.

And that was our view.

Anyway, she let that go.

Where were we?

He set you up in the apartment.

Yeah.

And then he just, he bounced.

Opened up a restaurant while he was shooting his, I think he was doing Love of Life at the time.

He hadn't been on Days.

It was Love of Life.

Okay.

At CBS.

And then went to, then he moved uptown to be on a show called Search for Tomorrow.

And then, but before that, he met his, yeah, his co-star on Love of Life.

Oh, it was that scenario.

And then it was a little one of those oopsie moments.

And was your mom like outwardly saying, you know, I hate him.

What were you getting implanted with towards him at the time?

You know, parents weren't taught what I think parents are taught today, which is it's, you be kind, you lead with kindness.

Your partner, you can talk bad about them behind closed doors, not in front of your children, because that is abuse.

Abuse.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I'm, unfortunately, I do have some today that do that, but they almost just can't help themselves.

Yeah.

It's some very strange.

You have to remember, I'm talking about someone's parent.

Yes.

At the end of the day, even though they're my ex, this is someone's parent.

They only get one.

It's their parent and they get one.

And let them have their experience with them.

And when they grow up and leave the house and then can create their own, you know, opinion from what they've experienced personally, let them have that.

Right.

But up until that point, don't plant negativity because I'm a little impressionable brain at that point.

But you, it sounds like, sadly, I've read a few times, you did want his attention.

Yeah.

I would have given anything.

I'm not going to cry.

I actually just need to take water.

You're allowed.

You're not allowed to cry.

I'm over it.

Oh, okay, okay.

I'm so over it, guys.

No, I truly am.

But don't you think, there are many things I'm like, oh, I'm totally over that.

I tell that story all the time.

And then I tell it to a therapist.

Ah!

And then all of a sudden, I feel, I guess, safe enough to allow the emotions to come in.

And I go, oh, wow, this is confusing.

I was certain this had no power.

And here I am quite emotional about this.

And this is a shocker.

And it lived right there.

Yeah.

It wasn't even far.

Right.

It was like, the question is asked.

And then you're like, what?

Like, it's literally like when they talk about those spies that can walk up to somebody and just go like that to the neck.

And then the person collapses.

Yeah.

It's kind of like the same thing.

You know?

Isn't it exhausting?

There are some things we'll just never.

We'll never.

It is exhausting.

But it's also, it shows you we have, this is, we're a constant work in progress.

We are constantly, no matter what was imprinted into our neural pathways as children, they're there and we can think we've worked on them.

But just as we experience life, new moments here and there and new people here and there, someone is going to come in and hit a little something somewhere that you go, whoa, that just made me think of that.

Yeah.

That's here now.

And that, I guess, is still to be looked at.

And how wonderful that we have therapy and that we have people that we talk to, a friendship group that we can bounce that stuff off so that we don't flip out.

Or, you know, I think, I don't know about your parents or your parents.

How old are your parents?

My parents are.

49 and 48.

Nope.

They are not.

So they are 63 and 70.

63 and 70.

So different generation.

I'll let you guess who's what.

Oh, wouldn't it be cool if it was reversed?

No, it's the normal way.

The normal.

Yeah, it's the normal way.

They didn't.

They weren't taught how to process emotions.

They're also from India.

Oh, yeah.

Mine are all immigrants.

So that's another layer on top of zero emotions.

Born in India.

Yes, both born in India.

Where were you born in India?

No, I was born here.

Born here.

Or I was born in Georgia.

No, in this garage.

You were born here.

I was born right here.

This is where I came to be.

She's never left.

This is kind of where I came to be.

She's never left.

And look at you now.

I know.

No, I was in my, yeah, in Georgia.

But they're Indian and emotions are like not to be touched.

Ever.

Ever.

And how do they feel now?

Well, it costs them a lot.

Like no emotions has really cost them some stuff.

And so I think they've come around.

But it's still like we've talked about it a lot.

Like Dax will be like, you need to tell your daddy you love him.

You love him.

And I'm like, I can't.

He'll freak out.

He'll think I'm dying.

He'll freak out.

I don't want to kill him.

Yes.

And I called them this weekend about something kind of emotional.

And he, you know, I can see like the panic starting to happen.

And I was like, dad, this is why I can't tell you things.

Yeah.

Because now I'm trying to protect you from your emotions.

And that can't be what's happening here.

I have totally surrendered to the, it is true.

I'll go like, your dad wants to hear you love him.

I don't, everyone wants to hear that.

I'm wrong.

She's right.

Are you wrong?

You are right.

I'm right.

I surprised her one time.

We were doing a live show in Chicago.

And I secretly called them.

And I said, can I please bring you to this live show so you can see your little girl and how much people love her?

See, now that's going to make me.

I can't even say it.

Like I think of me getting to go see, you know, my little girl.

So I'm like, it's a surprise.

And then I'm like, I can't tell her.

If she finds out they're there, she'll recognize how much is happening.

And she'll start getting very worried about them just witnessing her be loved on that level.

Oh, dad.

They did say they were proud of me.

That's the first time I've ever heard it.

Her dad, it was so cute.

Her dad was like, everyone knows her.

Like he just couldn't.

He's like, he just really thought it was so funny.

People wanted to get her picture and stuff.

It was pretty great.

Had he even seen that before?

He was probably, that was probably overwhelming.

Oh yeah.

They were overwhelmed.

For them.

They were very overwhelmed.

And in a good way, because all they want is safety for me, right?

Sure.

Like they just, they don't care about any of this stuff.

Yeah.

And I'm sure we'll get to that with you.

But like, all you want is your kid to be safe.

And then all this other stuff, like it's proof that I am.

I'm good.

Like I'm good on my own.

And they, they.

These 5,000 people agree she's safe.

And they could, like they were relieved for the first time, I think, which was such a, that was a gift.

That's a huge gift.

Yeah.

How long ago was that?

Five years ago.

Five years ago, probably.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And they said.

Four or five, something like that.

Your mom and I are proud of you.

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

This message is brought to you by Apple Pay.

Dax, can you believe it's already fall?

This year's flown by.

I know, right?

But fall is my jam.

Remember that farmer's market we hit up last weekend?

Yes.

All those vendors with their yummy apple ciders and the big pumpkins.

I love big pumpkins.

Artisanal apple cider, don't forget.

And the smell of fresh baked goods, heaven.

But here's what blew my mind.

So many vendors accepted Apple Pay.

It was so convenient.

I love Apple Pay.

Everywhere I saw the contactless symbol, I just double-clicked the side button on my phone to bring up my card.

And then just a quick little face ID scan, tap, boom.

So easy.

Apple Pay has been my MVP this season to buy festive fall treats and drinks.

And you know I'm on a mission to find the best fall-themed latte in town.

You know this.

I do know that.

How's it going?

That maple one you were telling me about sounded pretty insane.

It was so good.

And get this.

You can also use Apple Pay at lots of cafes.

No fumbling for your wallet.

Just double-click, tap, and sip.

It works at millions of places.

Anywhere you see the contactless symbol in stores or see the Apple Pay button online and in apps.

Exactly.

Making it easier to enjoy all the fall goodness.

Speaking of which, I'm totally set for Halloween.

Apple Pay made it a breeze to purchase the perfect decorations online right from my iPhone.

I just tap the Apple Pay button at checkout, double-click to authenticate, and boom!

Payment complete.

No long checkout forms.

No fuss.

Fall festivities have never been more fun or easy.

Pay the Apple way.

Terms apply.

Do you not take offense to this?

No.

I'm very—I'm hard to offend me.

I don't—when I—I've met you, I don't go, like, child of New York City.

How immersed were you in the quite eclectic and colorful world that was Manhattan in the late 70s and 80s?

Mm-hmm.

What was—were you partaking in the—like, we just interviewed Mark Ronson.

Oh, yes.

He feels very New York.

Oh, yeah.

Yes, yes.

And, like—or even the incredible director from—Jordan—

Peel?

Peel.

Yes.

Jordan Peel.

Love him.

You know, he's on a block that's quite scary.

He's got to walk to school.

He's like—you know, and it informs then the rest of the ride.

That's where I was.

Is, yeah.

What was your childhood like being in New York City?

So—well, we lived in this building on 92nd and Columbus, and it was—but the block between Columbus and Amsterdam, and then Amsterdam Broadway, that was all abandoned buildings.

I was on a bus by myself at 11.

Right.

Yeah, exactly.

Can you imagine?

That's just by yourself.

I know.

Throw your key in your sneaker and see a mom.

Yeah.

In a much different New York.

Much different New York.

Especially up there, you know?

So, I mean, now it's like—it started to become Preppyville and Upper West Side and all that stuff, but no, not when I lived there at all.

And it was, you know, we'd have to go around the block.

There's a sniper in one of the buildings, one of the abandoned buildings.

So, it was all just normal.

Sure.

As I got older, I was mugged.

You were.

Oh, my God.

I was mugged a couple times.

Like Ross.

What'd you say?

She said, like Ross.

Like Ross.

It was mugged by Phoebe.

Oh, wow.

By Phoebe.

Never forget.

Never forget.

Terrifying Phoebe.

Yeah.

No Phoebs.

And did you have a lot of fear or did you quickly kind of acclimate and it made you feel very able?

I only didn't feel fear.

Oh, good.

It was weird.

I would work.

I worked at Jackson Hole and 85th and Columbus.

And then I'd walk home at midnight all the way up to—you know, it's not a lot, but it's still from 85th and Columbus to 92nd and Columbus at midnight.

And what was your niche?

You loved Duran Duran.

Were you in a new wave?

Did you dance?

I danced.

Me and Dre, my best friend, who also has a podcast called Circle This.

Shout out, Circle This.

Go listen to it now.

Pause this.

Listen to that.

Come back.

Is she still your best friend?

Still my best friend to this day.

14 and 15 when we met, we would go to Danceteria.

We'd go to the Limelight.

We would go to the Palladium was where we really liked to go.

And not a lot.

But that was what—we didn't drink.

We didn't smoke.

I mean, we might have smoked cigarette.

But no drugs or anything.

We just would get dressed up and the amount of Aquanet in our hair.

Yeah, yeah.

Extra firm hold.

Oh, extra.

The blue, pink.

It was like, you throw it on.

And I would get like the 26-ounce shirt, like the big boy, where you'd be wrestling that fucker.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And your eyelashes would have to be like tied open.

There's toys all in the air.

This is so crazy.

Dance on those boxes that were surrounding the dance floor.

Oh, good.

So you were devouring the city as much as you can at that age.

And we could.

Oh, God.

I just watched the Charlie Sheen doc last night.

Me too.

I love it.

Oh, my God.

It's so fun.

Yes.

And you just go, well, wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And all of those guys, and all of them, George Clooney.

Yes, he's in those little videos.

Those videos and Penn and Nicolas Cage.

Yes, to find out they were best friends was a real revelation to me.

And that little friend group, you know.

And Laura Dern, who was in everything then, and she's in everything now.

And she's like, that's stuck.

Like, it's just wild.

It kind of feels impossible that they were all this little ragtag group.

It's sweet.

When Sean Penn says, I can't believe he said this on camera.

It's my favorite thing I've heard.

About which one I'm trying to know it.

He goes, when people do, men do cocaine, copious amounts, they have heightened sexual desires

while diminished sexual competency.

And I'm like, wow, you just said that so good.

You said coke dick in the most elegant way I've ever heard someone describe coke dick.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

That's so interesting.

And makes so much sense.

I desire her while you have no competency.

What a purgatory.

Wow.

And yet they keep doing it.

Yeah.

Over and over.

In all sincerity, the moment that I realized, oh, we have a real problem, was I was at a bar and I was talking to a very attractive girl and things were going very well.

And I was like, I'm going to get an eight ball.

And I was like, yeah.

If I get an eight ball, I'm not going to be pursuing this anymore.

I'm going to get an eight ball.

Oh, so did you weigh it out for a second?

I just like I had this this snap moment of clarity of like, wow, you're choosing this thing over a girl, which for me, girl was everything.

And you really liked this particular girl.

You were just very attractive and very fun.

It was going very well.

This is going to be so fun.

Normally, that's the funnest thing in the world.

Right.

And I'm like, wow, this other thing is we've elevated something above this thing that I previously thought was the most attractive thing we could do.

But that was more attractive and prettier.

Yeah.

Yeah, you were choosing between two drugs.

Yeah.

Yes.

My first drug and then my second.

Torn between two lovers.

That's right.

Feeling like a fool.

That's right.

Okay.

So then you went to LaGuardia High School of Performing Arts, which is the fame school.

Yeah.

And fame was on TV when we were kids.

Yeah.

Well, I saw the movie when I was a kid.

I'm sorry.

Was it a movie?

And then it became a TV show.

Okay.

Oh, you have to see the movie.

Am I right?

Alan Parker was the director.

Okay.

Oh, my goodness.

It is so magnificent.

It is.

It's, it, you'll now go, all due respect to the television show, you'll go, what?

Yeah.

What was that?

When you had this, it was the, the, the, I mean, the cinematography, the characters, the

acting.

What'd I do?

I know, I wondered too, but it was also looking cute.

It's very cute, but I just want to be protective.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah, she's good.

Her hair is good.

But.

Yeah, she's known for her hair.

You know what?

I had a whole bag of Lola V for you both.

Okay.

And I walked out of the house without it.

So this will be coming to you.

I have hair paste for you.

Okay, great.

Shampoo and conditioner for Kristen too.

Okay.

And then shampoos, everything.

I can't wait.

And I have a bottle of Aquanet for you.

A bottle of what?

Aquanet for me?

Yeah, yeah, super extra firm hold.

Okay.

Not animal tested.

No.

No.

Oh, exclusively animal tested.

I think even orphan tested, maybe.

Might have been a little chill, Bob.

I think they went above.

They might have just said, screw it, let's hit the kids.

Okay, so was it hard to get into that school?

I was a very last minute get into that school because I had, oh God, I was such a bad student.

I'm going to say things that would embarrass me forever.

Yeah.

I was a terrible student.

We have this in common.

I didn't want to be in.

You're dyslexic, right?

Yes.

Me too.

Frustrating.

And I thought I was fucking like the dumbest person alive.

If only someone thought to take this young kid who struggles to take him to get tested.

Yeah.

They didn't know it.

They didn't have it then, I don't think.

What I immediately thought when I learned you were dyslexic is you don't have the same chip on your shoulder.

I do.

I've observed you don't have the same chip on your shoulder.

What does it look like?

My chip is like, I'm a know-it-all.

Everyone thinks I'm dumb.

I've got to prove I'm smart all the time.

And it's exhausting.

Oh yeah, I don't have that.

You don't have it at all.

Yes.

I think that's interesting.

I kind of just know what I know and I know what I don't know.

And there was a period though where I was mortified to walk into a room or be at a party or I would just think, I don't know.

And I don't know how to carry on the conversation.

Yeah.

And the truth is the most, the best thing to do is just ask questions.

Yes.

What does that mean?

Right.

Explain that to me.

Knowing what you don't know is the smartest person in the room.

The person who knows what they don't know.

Yeah.

And it's also like, there's a lot, listen, textbook smart, street smart.

I could say I'm expert street smart, you know, and my EQ versus my IQ.

And it's just like, so, you know, we're doing pretty good.

But when they start writing on the chalkboard and you knew there would be questions that would follow that.

If it wasn't auditory, if they weren't telling me something, they were just writing on that chalkboard.

I was like, oh man, I hope to God they don't ask me what just happened on that chalkboard.

I don't know what the fuck is happening on that chalkboard.

It's like hieroglyphics.

And you know what I was doing while they were, I was doodling.

Sure.

I was writing little scenes that sketch, sketches that we were going to whacked out at recess.

And then I'd get, and then I'd, or I'd write a note to somebody.

And then I would just get real good laughs and I'd be like, boss up.

And then I'd be like, what?

Oh, I'm sorry.

In the hall.

Oh, shoot.

Bummer.

Yes.

In the hallway.

And I'd stand there for the rest of the class.

I mean, I was just constantly maneuvering my way to like.

Yeah, get through it.

So I had, there was that moment when you weren't going to get out of school.

Oh, so I went to performing arts.

This sounds terrible.

I wanted to be an actor, obviously, because that's all I thought I could do.

But I think one of the, this is, might could sound awful, but it was from between grade nine and 10.

And it was, we were given four books to read.

And I was like, I'm never going to read these books.

Right.

I got to get to another school.

Oh.

This is not going to happen.

I got to change locations.

Like you saw those four books.

It's like, I've just been kicked out of this school.

I was like, all right.

So where are we going?

Because that's not going to happen.

This is absolutely not going to happen.

These books are not going to get read.

And I don't have any way to figure out a way around that.

Right.

Can't go stand in the hallway around that.

There's no audio books back then.

And so, yeah.

Do you love audio books?

I do love audio books.

I love it.

But I do.

I'm actually getting really, I used to drift and have to rewind.

Yeah, that's my notes.

That's part of my dyslexia though, too, where you'd be reading and then I'd go, oh, I just read a whole page and I don't know what I read because I'm not comprehending anything.

Yeah.

And then my mind would wander.

Yeah.

And maybe, do you think you might have a little ADHD?

I think I might.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't think that about you, but I know like my wife is really coming to terms with the fact.

Yeah.

She certainly is.

And like, once I hear those symptoms and how they express in women.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Especially, I think today we have so many things that can distract us.

Yes.

Yeah.

At once.

Look at this room.

A lot of stimuli.

I mean, just look at, I don't know if you can see what's behind you guys.

They're just taunting you.

There's like some weird award I can't see clearly up there.

If I have to read these books, I'm out of here.

I know.

You can tell me that the only way that we can be on this podcast is to read these books.

You also look like Chris Cornell in that Wheaties box for some reason from where I'm sitting.

I'm feeling a little intimidated as well about the books now.

They always look nice.

Do you audition to get into fame?

So, yes, there's late, they have this, it was like late auditions for last minute.

I don't know why.

I can't honestly remember.

Yeah.

You just kind of woke up there one day.

I just woke up one day.

I learned two monologues.

I auditioned and then I came back.

And then next thing you know, I was accepted.

Did it live up to your, I'm sure you had concocted a pretty good fantasy and expectations about what the experience was going to be like.

And did it live up to that?

No.

Okay.

Great.

Well, it moved buildings.

Oops.

So it wasn't in the old building on 46th Street, which was the half of the charm.

Yeah.

It was this big block building that didn't have, it was just a new building.

A soulless building.

It was just thousands of kids.

Oh, it was huge.

It was huge.

So the, sort of the charm was in there, but there was the, the theater teachers were still there.

They were in, they were also in the movie.

Oh, that's cool.

A couple of them, Mrs. Shine, Mr. Moody.

Did they appreciate you?

Because the previous teachers were putting you in the hallway.

Did it feel like at least you were kind of appreciated there?

I was, except from one teacher, Marat Yusim, who was one of our acting teachers who said I was a disgrace to the theater.

Okay.

All right.

A little early to make that.

Were you?

I probably was.

I think I might've been pretty disgraceful.

I was doing checkoff and, and, and people were laughing.

Trying to look for the laughs.

Always.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Always.

Okay.

So you make it out of there.

You come to LA.

You're probably 18.

To LA, 19.

19.

1990.

No, I'm 20.

You're 20 years old.

Okay.

Because I do three years of waitressing college.

And you telemarketed, which is great.

I telemarketed when I first moved here.

And then I did Off-Broadway in between, like my, I worked at, Jackson Hole was run by the, by the wonderful Greek family.

So they would, I got a, an Off-Broadway show or whatever for two months, they'd let me do it.

Then I'd come back.

Oh, that's nice.

You arrived here and you quickly, you had a couple of pilots really quick.

You were, you guest starred a few times.

Yep.

Quantum's Leap.

That's exciting.

That's not the name.

Quantum Leap.

It's not plural.

Burke's Law.

Burke's Law.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You did that.

There's a third one in there.

There's a couple.

I did Malloy.

Yes.

Malloy.

I did Malloy.

I did Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Yes.

The spinoff TV show.

The television show version.

Yeah.

Speaking of fame and the spinoff.

So we're keeping a theme.

Now, my question there was, when I came here and I got on TV.

Yeah.

No matter what it was, it was so exciting because I was the first Shepard to ever be on TV.

Right?

Yeah.

And I wondered, how does having two parents that had pursued it and one of them's on TV, like, how did it impact your excitement about getting on these shows and stuff?

Their having been in the business, you mean?

Like, were you thinking, oh, this isn't good enough or it should be better or like, was there already a bar?

Well, the bar was just work.

Okay.

Because he said, you don't do, my dad was telling me, please don't do this.

You're just going to suffer rejection.

You're going to be learning science in Athens.

Yeah.

You're going to end up in Greece anyway.

Just go get a job, like get a real job.

All the cliche things.

That's so shitty.

You would think at least two actors would be supportive, but no.

Yeah.

Although, I mean, I think some actors today are like, oh, please don't.

I hate that.

I don't see it.

If you want, whatever drives you, if you find passion in something and you love it, go do it.

Back to safety, though.

Your parents generally want safety for the children and it's not safe.

It is not a safe profession as far as like.

It's a high risk.

It's a high risk.

It's a high risk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mentally.

So I get it.

Yeah.

Sure.

Emotionally.

I mean, it's a lot.

I mean, let's talk about Charlie Sheen.

Exactly.

Oh, no.

But that's not, he wasn't a kid actor.

How old was he?

Well, he was pretty fucking young.

He was pretty young.

He was 20 when Platoon won Best Picture.

Right.

But it wasn't like Bateman on Little House.

It was not Bateman on Little House.

That's true.

That's true.

But he had made, that was surprising to me and I kind of admired it.

They had made a quadrillion movies, these kids.

Yes.

Charlie Sheen and his buddies.

They really did.

With special effects.

And yeah, like they.

Yeah.

Like you could go like, oh, Nepo baby, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But it's like, no, these people have been practicing and were passionate about this since they were little kids.

That Nepo baby thing.

It's kind of annoying.

Well, you know why?

Because here's the deal.

Simon, I mean, look at all the law firms.

Blanky, blank, blanky, and blanky, blank.

I mean, all right.

Isn't that a version of it?

It's all in the family.

It's all in the family.

You're.

Okay, so maybe you got into a door because you're so-and-so's kid.

But if you suck, guess what?

Exactly.

You're not going to continue to do it.

They don't give a fuck after one or two.

No.

You might get one or two.

My point is like what you're underestimating is like you're only focusing on that you've inherited someone else's status.

And that is objective.

I get it.

I would object to that.

That's not fair to everyone else.

But what they're not thinking about is like our children have been to sets many times.

My kids understand about lenses.

I was walking with my daughter when she was six.

She made a joke.

I laughed.

A minute later, she made the same joke.

I didn't laugh.

And she said out loud at six years old, I went back to the well too much.

Whoa.

And I'm like, yeah, that's how she grows up.

And she has a knowledge of this industry that like I had about the automotive industry with automotive parents.

Like she knows a lot fucking more and she'll show up knowing a lot more when she's competing with other kids.

Now, is that because the door was open for her?

She has the skill set already.

She was privy to having the education.

Yeah.

You know, growing up in Detroit, the commercial was on and on set was father and son, we build them all.

Like no one's mad.

Yeah.

That kid was probably 10 carrying bricks and helping the dad build houses.

And now they got father and son construction company.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm only going to ask you a single question about friends.

That's it.

I can't guarantee that.

I make no.

Yes.

I make no promises and ignore what I want to because this is her Sopranos.

All right.

My thing I found really interesting when I was reading about all this and I just have such a crush on them.

I want to bring them up, but you were kind of feeling like you might want to throw in the towel, but just you were doing pilot after pilot and they weren't working.

And then you ran into Warren Littlefield at a gas station.

Is this apocryphal or real?

It is true.

Yes.

Because I had gone, I'd gone to the final stage, go to network.

And then I think I definitely said something to him at a gas station.

It was on Crescent and Sunset Boulevard and Crescentites.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And what did you say?

I might've given him a headshot or I said something like, please cast me, please.

I don't love it.

And then I, at another time I said, will you please give me a washer and dryer?

And he wrote that down on a napkin.

As part of your negotiation or?

I just kept hearing that all these actors were getting like cars and getting these things once they got hired and friends had happened and we were, I don't know, at the upfronts for something.

Yeah.

And I, and, and, and.

You wanted a congratulatory washer and dryer.

I was like, why, where's my, what are all these actors getting these, why do they get these treats for, for, for shows and stuff?

And I said, treats.

Actor treats.

Actor treats.

These gifts.

These elaborate, these very expensive gifts.

And, and he was like, well, what do you want?

And I was like, really?

And he's like, yeah.

And I couldn't think of anything.

And I was like, I need a washer and a dryer.

No kidding.

And did he deliver?

Yeah.

Oh, really?

I lied.

There were actually two I wrote down.

The other one was, I had no idea until yesterday that you had been offered SNL.

That would have been impossible for me to turn down.

Well, you know, I was thought I was such hot shit.

Here's the, the story of that is all very confusing.

Honestly, today I'd have to ask Lauren, but I, cause I remember I was in New York city and I was, had a meeting with Lauren Michaels and I ran into Sandler and Spade in the room right outside.

And I knew Sandler from forever.

Uh-huh.

You knew him pre-Friends?

Yes.

Oh, wow.

Cause he was very good friends with Charlie Schlatter who played Ferris Bueller in the television version of Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Wow.

You guys go so far back.

So we met at Jerry's Deli in like 1912.

Wow.

1912.

And then.

Just before the Spanish flu.

Just before.

Right before.

So, yeah.

So, and I, I don't know why I had this self-righteous attitude of like, I don't know if women are treated the way they should be treated on this show.

It's a very male dominated.

And I mean, I would love to be here if it was like in the Gilda Radner day.

I mean, this is what I, my, my semi, the brain that semi remembers things that are back that far.

Yes.

Something like that.

Okay.

I got, okay.

That makes sense.

And then, and then it was like, well, I don't remember what happened in there.

And then I, I can't remember, but I just remember friends then happened and then that's where I went.

You really fucked up.

You chose wrong.

You think so?

Oh my God.

Yes.

Well.

Shit.

When people say regrets.

I could be interviewing you and I could be going, so you turned down friends for us.

Oh my God.

And people would be like.

That would be the saddest story of all time.

I mean, people, yeah.

It all works out.

It works out.

I don't think there's ever, everything is sort of planned, meant to be.

Do you think that in the middle, when something is bad currently, are you like, it's going to work out?

Like, are you, are you positive that way?

Well, you have to be.

Yeah.

Well, but a lot of, it's hard.

It's hard.

But you have to then consciously turn towards what's positive.

Because otherwise, we're not, I'm going to feel like a broken record.

We're not designed to take in this much information.

No.

It's too much.

We're not designed that way.

Yeah.

No.

That's this, this, this.

Like, there's way too much information from all over the world within a blip of a second.

Every single bit of information.

You're, no wonder mental illness is through the roof and anxiety and people are, it's a different time.

I totally agree.

Back to the, when we lived with a hundred other people.

Yeah.

Our entire life.

Sure.

You probably would never even hear about a murder your whole existence.

Or maybe there'd be one.

Yeah.

And you can hear about hundreds of murders a day.

Like, you can hear about, you know, there might be one natural disaster in your lifetime.

Right.

Here, you'll hear about all of them.

It's, we're not, you're so right.

We don't have the capacity for it.

We don't.

No.

We think we do.

We have this arrogance.

Like, oh, I can handle all this.

I can watch news all fucking day long and not be affected.

Mm-mm.

I don't think that's true.

I would rather live in ignorance's bliss.

I really, sometimes.

Yeah, I understand that.

I need moments of that.

Okay.

I know you have friends' thoughts, so I want to hear them.

I actually, I don't have friends' questions, really.

I just, I'm just grateful for it.

That's it.

Here's what I wanted to connect the dots on.

Yeah.

So, you didn't have a VCR, and you're obsessed with Laverne and Shirley, and you used to record audio tapes on cassette tape of the episodes, and then listen to just the audio.

And I was like, if I've ever heard a Monica Padman thing in my fucking life.

Oh.

We have some real crossover.

I, um, I VHS taped every episode of Friends.

This was before the DVDs.

And I color, I had a whole color-coded system.

You did?

Yeah.

Yeah, where, like, each season was a color, and I would write the episode on the tape in the right color.

Then there was these, like, pictures with the number of the tape, and I had 32 tapes, and, you know, the finale was the day before an AP exam, and fuck the AP exam.

Oh, no, no, what did you do?

No, horrible.

Was up all, because I had to watch, you guys were on something after, Leno, maybe, and then Oprah the next day.

Oprah, Leno, I don't remember.

And I had to tape it all, and I didn't study.

Why would I study?

This, the most important thing in the whole world.

This is once in a lifetime, yeah.

Exactly, exactly.

So, I probably failed that test.

Well, I feel like I owe you an apology for that.

No, you know what?

It all worked out.

You owe her a, you're welcome.

Exactly.

Oh, my God.

That's the highlight of her.

It was, it was...

It was everything to me.

That's so awesome.

It was such an escape.

I was thinking about it recently, because I was like, what?

I mean, I have so many reasons why, but one is like, we don't have comedies like that anymore.

We don't have shows like that, where you do kind of know it's going to work out.

Even though, you know, there's stakes, I'm not saying there's not, but it is going to work out, and it makes you feel safe.

Right.

And it brings hope.

We don't, my favorite shows now don't have hope.

I love them, but they're scary, and you don't know if it's going to work out, and it might not.

Yeah, the best shows are the ones where, like, they might kill the lead character, and you're like, fuck, I'm on pins and needles.

Yes, the anxiety is at a tent.

The Game of Thrones of it all.

So true.

It's the opposite of what that was, which is just like reassurance.

Right.

They can't hurt a friend.

They would never.

They're not going to hurt one of the friends.

They won't kill one of the friends.

No, no, no one's going to get hit by a cab.

No.

And when you're like a teenager, you don't know what's going to happen.

Everything's scary.

Yeah.

People are going to make fun of you, whatever.

But this is a constant.

And so it was, I mean, I've said this, like, I can't really explain how important it is with words.

But it was, but I'm grateful.

I can feel that.

I love that.

I wish you could have come to a taping.

I had a recurring dream that I went to, that you guys, like, got back together, and then I went to a taping.

And so for a while, I was like, I think I, I think I saw.

I think, and then it was just a crazy dream, delusion.

You could have come to the reunion.

I know.

That was, wasn't the, I mean.

That was here, right?

You were here.

I was here.

But it was perfect.

It was perfect.

But I didn't need to do that.

I didn't need to do that.

And here we are.

We were just, we just were with somebody, Krista and I, and we were discussing this exact thing.